“I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. But before that… Before that… I…”
Or something along those lines.
Sadly I don’t have Del Rey’s Volume 18 on hand with me (Ch. 133 if anybody wants to look theirs up~), but I’m…
Dug out my books from underneath my towering stack o’ manga (gosh do I need bookshelves) and Del Rey’s translation of the line is, after the whole “I want to die!” repeating bit, “But before that…I want someone to…I want someone to…” From what I recall of the translations posted when the chapter first came out, I’m pretty certain the original line was left hanging. The “I want someone to love me” part got bandied about as a popular fan theory, so I think the scanlators of that chapter just got a little overexcited.
As to the flashback plothole, as I understood it our Fai (herafter Yuui, for clarity’s sake) received real!Fai’s memories when he died. That whole scene at the start of chapter 158, when Fai falls from the tower, there’s an image of the twins’ eyes meeting with a bunch of mirror shards falling around them. On the next page we see just Yuui, looking up with more glass hards. Inlaid with the pictures on both pages is a scene of Fei Wang asking Fai to choose himself or Yuui (the part where Fai willingly gives up his life for his brother is notably absent). Later in the chapter after the flashback ends, Ashura says (going by Del Ray’s trans again here) “You must know, as one who has received that child’s memories. Back then, that child was given the same choice, and he chose you.”
Even though the only actual memory we see Yuui receiving at that moment is the meeting with FWR, I always just figured he’d somehow gotten Fai’s memories of the entire time in the tower with the only omission being the moment where Fai sacrifices himself, which presumably got blocked or suppressed somehow by FWR because everyone loves playing with Yuui’s memories. How Fai gave Yuui his memories never actually gets explained (the magic of “Quick, we need to clean up that plot hole!”, perhaps?). It still makes that flashback in 133 a little perplexing — why flash back to that particular moment? Since as Xia said it comes after Yuuko says he should have already figured out which events were part of FWR’s plan and which weren’t, and the part in the tower doesn’t really gel with that at all. Unless Yuui’s thinking of it in the sense that “My brother wanting to die so I’d be saved wasn’t part of FWR’s plan, but the part where he actually got to do it was.” In conclusion, Clamp.